Hold You Close
by FrostyFingers
Summary: "Fine," he shouted right back. "Have it your way! Go get yourself killed! You're clearly on a suicidal streak!" - based on their fight in "Mombasa Cartel". [Lizzington]


AN: My take on the events in "Mombasa Cartel". Special thanks goes to jackandsamforever for being a wonderful beta and friend. You're highly appreciated, hun :) Please enjoy.

Disclaimer: The feels are too much sometimes, you can have them. I don't own a thing.

_The trouble understand, is she got reasons he don't _  
><em> Funny how he couldn't see at all, 'til she grabbed up her coat <em>  
><em> And she goes, she's been here too few years to take it all in stride <em>  
><em> But still it's much too long, to let hurt go (you let her go) <em>  
><em> And we always say, it would be good to go away, someday <em>  
><em> But if there's nothing there to make things change <em>  
><em> If it's the same for you I'll just hang <em>  
><em> The same for you <em>  
><em> I'll always hang<em>

_"Hang" - Matchbox Twenty_

**Hold You Close**

"Was all of this really necessary?" He asked after turning to her.

She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "Tell you what. How about I find someone to follow you around 24/7, and see how you like it?"

Red glared right back at her. "You know as well as I that this has nothing to do with being followed. This is about being found out. You're hiding something. Why else risk my capture?" He asked.

"Ezra's not going to talk." Her voice was confident, but her eyes were betraying her as he kept on talking.

"I know that, but you didn't, and now you're holding him in a cement box under a no-contact order? Congratulations, Lizzie. You've plugged the hole, but the dam will fail. It's only a matter of time."

"You're one to talk! You're always hiding something from me and now you get upset when I don't tell you something?!" She huffed in annoyance.

He came to a stop right in front of her, anger and disappointment seeping from every pore. "I'm not telling you everything to keep you safe, Lizzie, which is the contrary to your actions. Tell me, do you even care if I get thrown back into some hole? Does it matter to you?"

Her face grew hot with a mix of embarrassment and anger at his accusations. "Right, because my well-being is so far up your priority list at the moment."

Red worked his jaw, his hand flexing at his sides. She hadn't seen him this angry in a long time, probably never before. "Your well-being is always my top priority, Elizabeth, you should have figured that out by now." Despite his anger, his voice wasn't raised, but she knew that the quiet tone was even worse. "My well-being, on the other hand, is not at all a priority to you, is it, Agent Keen?"

She threw her hands up in frustration. "Why are you acting like this? Nothing. Happened."

"Don't you get it? If they close in on me, they will be looking more closely. I won't be able to continue this," he motioned his hands between them and then around the room. "and I will leave. I will not be put in that box or any other hole ever again. I will leave and I won't come back."

She straightened her back. "Are you threatening to leave me?"

He shook his head at her question and shot her a smile that clearly wasn't a humorous one. "If that's what you think, you and I are clearly not on the same page. Maybe you should think hard about whether you even want this relationship at all." His voice was cold and detached, and it hit Liz right in the heart, but she refused to back down. She was too angry for that.

"I don't have the patience for your mindfuck tonight, Reddington. You don't get to call the shots here, you should keep that in mind!" She spat and turned to leave. "And stop having people follow me, damn it!" Liz yelled over her shoulder.

"Fine," he shouted right back. "Have it your way! Go get yourself killed! You're clearly on a suicidal streak!"

"Fuck you, Reddington!"

They didn't talk at all during dinner, and Dembe, who was sitting with them at the table, felt uncomfortable with the thick tension in the room. The silence was nerve wrecking. He had gotten used to laughter and soft bickering, the touches and stolen kisses. He found that he missed seeing these domestic actions already. The two of them had suffered so much already, and it had been good to see them finding love. Witnessing them fall apart now wasn't something he wanted to see.

After dinner, Liz stood and started helping Dembe with the dishes, but the man waved her off. With a small smile, she went upstairs and got ready for bed. After the days she had had, she needed to catch up on some sleep. Slipping under the covers, Liz took her book from the nightstand and started reading, not that she could concentrate on anything anyway. After a short while, she finally realized that this would not happen tonight. She closed the book and replaced it on the nightstand before turning on her side, her back facing the door. Her mind was reeling, sleep wouldn't come easily. Only minutes later the bedroom door opened, but Liz didn't turn, not even when she felt the mattress dip. She would not give in. Not tonight. Though it was more than endearing that he still wouldn't break his promise to not just leave and let her sleep alone.

_FLASHBACK_

_They were lying next to each to each other, both still trying to catch their breaths after the lovemaking session they had just finished. It had all happened so quickly. After fearing that he would lose her to the plague, Red had picked her up from the hospital and tucked her straight back into his own bed. Though she had protested some, she felt incredibly loved and cared for, something she hadn't felt in a while. He had stayed at her bedside to help her fall asleep every single night, had read her books when her slumber was disturbed by nightmares. His voice was soothing, the gentle touch of his fingertips as they ran over her arm enough to make her fall asleep again._

_She had pushed him into lying down next to her, holding on to him while she slept. She would never let him know just how much his presence calmed her, she wouldn't embarrass herself like that. One time, a more than gruesome nightmare had startled her badly enough that she almost hit him in the face when he had tried to calm her down. As soon as she had realized where she was and who she was with, Liz had thrown her arms around his neck and pulled herself as close as possible, trying to get rid of the images of a bloody and very dead Concierge of Crime._

_He hadn't said anything, had only wrapped his arms around her midriff and held her close. Liz wasn't exactly sure why, or maybe she was, but at one point she must have turned her head and placed her lips against the little scar she had given him, when she had stabbed that pen into his neck. His fingers had twitched against her back, and he had tried calling out to her to make her realize what she was doing, but she knew what she was doing and she didn't want to stop. Liz moved her lips further up his neck, enjoying the little moan he couldn't hold in anymore. She trailed hot open-mouth kisses over his jaw and stopped only short of the corner of his mouth, just resting there for a moment._

"_Lizzie," he all but groaned as his hot breath tickled her cheek._

_Pulling back a little to look at him, Liz could see that his eyes had darkened due to his enlarged pupils. He looked like a wild animal ready to pounce on its prey. It was incredible to see how aroused he was already, to know that she had gotten him to that point._

_She slowly blinked at him, only now noticing his golden freckled eyelashes, and then leaned in to cover his lips with hers. The second their mouths connected, Liz felt her heart burst with joy. His lips were so very soft and a perfect contrast to his palms that were now cupping her cheeks to hold her in place. Soft nipping at each other's lips had led to passionate open-mouth kisses, while gentle caresses turned to desperate tugging at each other's body. She loved the feel of his hair against her fingertips, loved how he smelt like clean laundry, a whit of cologne and tasted like something that could only be described as 'Red'… with a hint of scotch and cigars._

_She hadn't given him time to protest as she kept her lips firmly pressed to his while her hands started working on unbuttoning his dress-shirt. At least he wasn't wearing his suit jacket and vest. The man was always so awfully overdressed, but he did wear the hell out of those suits._

_Their lovemaking was something Liz had never experienced before. She wasn't sure if that was because she might be truly in love with the man, not that she would admit that out loud, or if he was just that talented. Whatever the reason, she had loved every single second of it. And knowing her heart, she was a goner by now anyway._

_As they lay in the aftermath, with only inches of space between their bodies, Liz felt something like fear grab at her consciousness. What if he didn't feel like she did, if this was just a one time thing. Something to get off, but nothing more? She wouldn't be able to work with him. Not after this._

"_Sweetheart, you're awfully quiet besides the loud turning of the wheels in your head," he joked softly as he turned onto his left side and trailed his fingers over her bare arm, raising goosebumps on her skin. "Is something wrong?"_

"_I'm fine," she replied and tried to shoot him a smile. Tried was the keyword here._

_He grimaced at her words. "Do you already regret this?"_

"_What?" Her head shot up to look at him. "No! No, I don't. Do you?" She asked as her eyes dropped to his chest._

"_Lizzie," he tried to make her look at him. "Lizzie, sweetheart, look at me." She did as he asked, and the gentle smile she received in return made her heart flutter. "How could I ever regret this? I've thought about this quite a lot, but I would've never imagined our lovemaking to be this beautiful. God, Lizzie," he breathed out and shook his head in amazement, then put his arms around her and tightly pulled her into his chest._

_She closed her eyes and snuggled even closer to him, deeply inhaling his scent. "I'm glad you don't," she said, and then placed a kiss right above his heart. "Promise me one thing?"_

_"And what would that be?"_

_"Never take me to bed and then let me wake up alone." This was one of the things she feared the most. Being just another girl to him until he got bored and moved on._

_She felt his arms tighten around her body and his nose buried itself in her hair. "I promise you, I will never let you wake up alone, sweetheart."_

_END FLASHBACK_

He hadn't broken that promise once. Had taken great pleasure in being the one to wake her up in various ways, and she loved every second of it. Even now, after she had lied, or rather chosen not to tell him something, after throwing those things at him, he still refused to break the promise to sleep with her. This was one of the most lovable things about him, but Liz just couldn't get herself to care right now. She was still too mad.

Red was also angry. Angry at her for obviously acting without thinking at all, for putting their whole work at risk. He was hurt and disappointed because she clearly hadn't taken the time to think about how this would affect him in the long run. She hadn't even taken their relationship into consideration, that hurt the most. He cared deeply for her, and hearing that she didn't think so was just unfair. He loved her, with everything he was, there was no mistaking that. Red was also angry at himself. He should have properly talked to her about the security issue, should have prepared her, should have taken the time to take care of her himself. It's what a good man would do for the woman he loved. He wasn't used to the whole relationship thingy anymore and it was clearly showing. He shuffled around in the bed, but just couldn't get comfortable. Usually, by now, he would have her warm body covering his, cuddling him like a huge teddy bear. Now she wouldn't even look at him. He turned onto his left side and looked at her. Her shoulders were tense, so he knew she was still awake, probably fighting the same problems.

"Look, sweetheart, I know you're angry. I get that, and I did not mean to shout at you, but can we just forget about this? At least for tonight?" He knew he was begging. He didn't care. "I need to hold you. I can't sleep like that. Please? Let me hold you?"

"I don't want to sleep with you," she answered in a cold tone, and Red felt as if his heart was pulled out of his chest.

He hadn't imagined this kind of pain would hit him once he entered a romantic relationship with her. It was excruciating to say at last. He swallowed hard against the emotions that were welling up inside him as he nodded more to himself than anything. "Alright..." He sighed and slowly got up from the bed. "Sleep well, sweetheart. I love you." With that he left the bedroom, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

The moment he left the room, Liz rolled over onto her right sight and grabbed his pillow. Even though he hadn't stayed in bed for long, his body had warmed the cushion. It smelled heavenly, and she couldn't stop herself from burying her nose even deeper into it. She was already starting to feel bad. He had only tried to keep her safe. Of course he had, he always did that; and here she was, acting like a total bitch. This was unfair. To him and to their relationship.

After a few minutes, Liz threw back the covers and left the bed as well. This wouldn't go on for any longer.

Making her way through the hallway, she noticed soft light coming from the living room. Red was sitting in an armchair, a glass of scotch in his hand, while he stared off into nothing. She couldn't see more than half of his face, but he looked sad, and Liz found that she really didn't like that. Telling herself to man up, she made her way to where he was sitting and climbed onto his lap, her arms instantly going around his neck so she could pull herself closer, so not even a breeze could fit in between them.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her eyes only slowly raising to his, afraid that he might reject her. "I'm so sorry, Raymond." To her horror, she felt her eyes welling up with tears.

His palms cupped her face as he lovingly gazed into her blue orbs. "I'm also sorry. I was just trying to protect you," he said just as quietly. A single tear started making its way down her cheek, catching on his thumb before it could proceed any further. He leaned closer and brushed his nose against hers. "I love you, Lizzie. So much."

She sniffled softly. "I love you, too," she replied, and then leaned in to finally kiss him. It had been too long already. Her hands went for the back of his neck and slipped under his collar, refusing to let go and Red hissed at the contact.

"Sweetheart," he spoke against her mouth and then pulled back a little to look at her. "Your hands are as cold as ice!" He complained. "Do not shove them up my shirt again!" Red ordered mockingly.

Liz gently bit his bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth for a moment. "I'd rather shove them down your pants." She could feel him moaning against her mouth, relishing the knowledge of the power she held over him. She sobered a little then. "I'm sorry, Ray."

He shook his head at her. "Let's not do this tonight," he told her gently. "I just want to hold you close." He stood then, taking her with him as she had still sat on his lap.

She squealed at the movement, breaking into laughter as she wrapped her legs around his waist so she wouldn't drop. "Ray!"

He kissed her soundly. "Not letting you go, sweetheart. Not for a second. Never again."


End file.
